Disclosure: These stories I post are true stories, while the events that happen are real the names have been changed to protect the men I know, love and or hate. I do this in my real life when I talk about men as well with friends. That way I can ask questions and keep all parties involved privacy in tacked. Please don’t ask me who I’m talking about. I won’t give you their names.
While I don’t really do the whole New Year’s resolution thing on the 1st of the year anymore I do sometimes have those thoughts on what I can improve like most people, I love the possibility that with the ringing in the New Year, the bad of the last year is gone and the coming year will be amazing. I try to clear up and sort issues out before the new year for this reason and I always reflect and thank people from the past year that helped me to get though the year. I find it a wonderful practice to remind me to reflect on the best of the year and not what I didn’t do or finish. I hope that telling people that they really made a difference in someone’s life will leave them feeling appreciated and loved. Helping to remind them that they are important and amazing. Who wouldn’t want that right!
This New Year’s Eve I had high hopes. I had met a man in the flesh not using a dating app a few days ago. Let’s call him Mr. Fireworks. We had really hit it off. I’m talking full on belly laughs between us. He immediately asked me out on a date that night. We planned a fun evening of dinner and live music for New Year’s Eve. I let my guard down regarding all my normal hesitations and fears. Even while I was surrounded and reminded by those very fears as they were happening to my friends. I seriously allowed myself to get caught up in all that first date jitters. I worried about my dress. I worried about my shoes. I worried about my looks. I got excited. Freaked out about kissing! Kissing is seriously scary shit to me. I can jump out of a plane with zero hesitation but if there is any possibility that I might kiss someone I watch YouTube how to videos. No joke. I also feared that the date wasn’t going to happen, and I would be stood up on NEW YEARS EVE. I let go of my crush in the realest way I could by thanking him for the smiles he gave me and how he made my year better. By doing this I feel I could freely give this Mr. Firework a chance. In true Cheryl form it was honest and open message. I didn’t hold back what I felt.
Now my NYE event time line.
7AM NYE Wake up head to Reno Running Co for New Year’s Eve run. Share with the friends there at the club that “holy hell I’m going on a first date tonight!” I then proceed to run and stress about my feelings on all men currently in my brain. That’s 2. Since my life isn’t complicated enough I also consider that this is the year I may run 26.2 miles with a friend. After that crazy mind babble I go back to stressing about what shoes I’ll wear tonight.
Now Mr. Firework and I have been messaging back and forth most of the last two days since we have met about us getting together. We planned to meet around 7PM maybe 7 :30ish depending on what time he gets off from work. Perfect.
I’m not girly but mind you I have given into allowing myself to get excited about the date. That being said I spent a good part of my day getting dressed, shaving, playing with hair ideas, messaging my friend’s pictures of shoes and oh my god what am I doing? Type messages to two of my friends whose dates have just canceled on them and I am feeling terrible now that I am even stressing since I’m still going on my date. My friend agrees to come over and just help me last minute prep and chat. I run across town to drop my daughter off for her NYE party/sleepover that another friend has kindly invited my daughter to, so I may go out. I make a pit stop at Charming Charlies to look for shoes. If you can’t tell I love fun heeled shoes. Heels are important to me. They are the only thing I girly out on. The customer service was amazing. They helped me pick the right pair of heels and even gave me an amazing coupon once they learned it was a first date night. I drove back across town to get home in time for my friend meeting me at 5PM. Secretly worrying about the money, I just spent but telling myself it’s a first date and your always responsible you can be bad for once. I proceed to change some of my outfit up and then I hear my phone ding at 5:10PM. Before I even open the text, I can read the first words on the scene “I feel super shitty, but I am going to have to cancel tonight.” My heart starts to sink, and I mean faster than the Titanic did. His excuse appears to be valid. If you read my blog, you know I have been nervous about the dating atmosphere for a while. Lots of lies, people using other people to not feel alone or use someone to make another person jealous, so they can catch the person they really want (us humans are ridiculous, aren’t we?). Some of you know this about me but I’m honest about me having a child. Mr. Fireworks couldn’t make it because his baby sitter didn’t show up. He needs to watch his children. Raincheck. He was looking forward to it. I thinking, WAIT what? He has KIDS? How the heck in the conversations where my friends keep bringing up their kids and mine did he not mention his KIDS? I should be thinking like wow here is a dad doing is part and being responsible but the other part of me is if the baby sitter didn’t show up who was watching the kids during the day when he was at work? I text him a simple “OK.” Followed with “Happy New Year! He responds Happy New Year. I’m sorry”
I feel my eyes welling up. I get on social media as fast as I can and say, “my date just canceled, and I look super cute and don’t want to waste the night. What is everyone doing?” I knew if I didn’t do something fast this evening was going to go bad, I would cave and most likely get depressed, close myself off to the world with a pint of Halo Top. I needed to hold myself accountable to having fun. Telling myself that I can’t back out if someone messages me. Telling myself it’s ok Cheryl that it happened. You believe in karma and what’s coming whatever it may be is meant to be and there is a reason. Fake it till you make it attitude taking charge. I feel something come, a wet cold tear ran out of my right eye and it was on. I mean full on ugly crying! I turned my phone to silent and all my lights off in my house. I didn’t want to see the ugly crying. Telling myself you get two hours to bawl like a baby and then you are going out. Even if it’s alone. I lay on my made bed and closed my eyes and cried.
Stay tuned to find out if I stayed in bed and ugly cried till the new year or if I got out of bed and had some fun. Have you ever had a date cancel on you? Why is it even possible that someone you hardly know can bring out a strong response or reaction like mine? What did you do and how did you handle this when it happened to you?
cherylguinan 